Transforming Silence
The recent islandwide power failure was awful wasn’t it? Getting up in the middle of the night in a bath of sweat I couldn’t help muttering about the decline in the state of the power and energy industry. Was it a strike or sabotage? Couldn’t they have planned their ‘action’ at a more convenient time? Later in the morning I got to know that it was a maintenance issue. The frustration I felt was compounded by the realization that there was nothing to do. I couldn’t put on the TV or radio to hear some music. My phone was dead so I couldn’t listen to anything or browse the internet. It was just me staring in the dark in silence.
As the night wore on it dawned on me why I hated the experience. It wasn’t the fact that the room was like a steam bath. It wasn’t because I was bored and helpless. It wasn’t even because I had a busy schedule in the morning and I needed the sleep. The silence in the darkness forced me to think about things that I don’t like to think about. Everyday I crowd myself with distractions and noise to avoid thinking about these deeper questions of life. When those were taken away I was forced to deal with the questions. It wasn’t going away and I couldn’t ignore them. One after the other they came at me. Who am I really? Is there any purpose to my life? What about meaning? Am I happy with the life that I am living or do I just exist? Is death an ending to everything that I am doing in life? Urgh… the questions were so hard and the answers so depressing. Was it a mid life crisis well before time?
As I struggled through those questions I realized the futility of some of my ways. The more I did things to gain significance the more I realized how baseless it was. I needed significance that was not based on my looks or qualifications or the friends that I have or the abundance of my possessions. I wanted value for me with all my warts and quirks. I wanted meaning for my everyday mundane activities. I needed a purpose to live that was bigger than the struggle for existence.
The morning light brought some respite for my weary soul. I realized that I am significant because I am made in God’s image. I am loved because in spite of all that I do to ignore and provoke him, he values me so much to send his son Jesus to die on a cross so that I can be made whole. God thinks me so important that he is willing to let me partner with him in bringing about a kingdom of peace, love and justice that we all long for. Life itself is not meant to be temporary but eternal in the bosom of the Father. All that I do now that is in line with his purposes will not be lost forever when I die. Instead it will be transformed and used for the glory of God in his eternal kingdom.
All my questions may not have been fully answered but my fears were calmed. I had renewed vigour to face the future. I realized that my life and work had greater significance more than I could ever imagine. Wow…maybe the power cut wasn’t so awful after all.
Uncategorized | yohan October 26, 2009 | 
Comments (3)
My wife and I realized a common dream recently – a long awaited visit to Jaffna. We went by plane as the bus service was functional only for Jaffna residents who travel to Colombo. What was actually a 1 hour flight became a 9 hour journey with the checking and being packed into buses at both ends. We managed to meet with university students who related their stories and what life was like during the past few years. Despite much sorrow and heartbreak their faith in Christ struck us. The journey also helped me to reflect on some of the challenges that each community faces in this post war phase. Below are some of my thoughts.